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Kinda strange title. It means hospital. I want to be an author. You know. Writing, releasing books. Being famous. I won’t ever reach this dream but I love writing. I’m working on two novels right now and I just can’t live through a day without writing a word. And even if it menages I feel guilty… And now.. I survived two serious operations with my spine and I haven’t spoken it. I mean… Gosh, I tried to write my feelings into my blogs. Tell that I miss it and I don’t know why… but. Yeah. So in the next few minutes, I’m gonna try to write things happened exactly… Well… On that week… on Tuesday… My sister had her 20th birthday but she was in the University whole week long so we couldn’t give her any gifts. That was Nov 24. On Nov 20 I wished we were on Dec 20. Five days later I had an operation and on Dec 20 I was at home… Nov 25. – I had a… I don’t know what. Gyógykezelés? How do you say that? Medication? So I had one… and after that we went to a neurologist to ask her check my back. She did and she told us that there’s some problem not with my legs but with my spine. So she called a kind of laboratory in Toponár (next to Kaposvár) to book me a place to make an MR about my spine. So Mum packed some stuff into a little suitcase. You know… if I had to stay in the hospital. After we arrived, we waited a half hour and then they called me in. I laid into the machine and then they began it. It was loud and scary but as one of my Mum’s compeers said I was thinking about something else. I heard a sound which was like Santa’s bell so I almost laughed and tomtomed the rythm with my fingers. Then they said: Don’t move. I said: ok, but I smiled during the inquiry. After 30 minutes they pulled me out and gave me some kind of liquid into my vein because they couldn’t see my tissues exactly. After that only 15 minutes left. I enjoyed it. For the results we had to wait almost one and a half hour soooo… yeah. We were soooo… gosh… it was bad. Then we got the papers. My Mum could read it because she works in the hygiene. She said that I’ve got a weird liquid in my spinal marrow, cysts and hernia (in the spine). Then we went home. And I knew that I won’t go back to the school that week. I knew that the hospital is my future. So we went back to the hospital (Nov 26) Then we had to search Dr. Lencsés Tamás. He checked my MR results and said that it needs operation. As soon as it possible. I was scared to death! He said that it’ s gonna be tomorrow and until then they hospitalize me. They did. They let blood from me and made an EKG inquiry. A very nice nurse did it. Her name is Mónika. The blood-letting wasn’t so bad. It made my arm numb but it wasn’t so bad. But the tingle after the EKG wasn’t so good. I couldn’t move my legs! Mónika said: Calm down, it’s okay, we’ll give you an infusion which will make you be able to move your legs.” In that moment, Dr. Lencsés Tamás arrived and said: Ok, we can’t wait til tomorrow. I’ll finish before six. We’ll operate you at six o’clock.” Ok. They put me into a room. 518. (or 517? No… 518) There was an old lady presumably with her daughter. The lady was vomitting, caughing, it was terrible. Next to the second bed an other lady was kneeling and moaning. It was also so horrible… There was nobody in the third bed but it was packed with stuff. The fourth bed was mine. Right from the door. I was listening to You found me by The Fray and when it ended, the anestegiologist appeared and said: Showtime I almost cried. It was really so scary to see the lights, people around. They gave my oxygen and the dope was given into my vains. I don’t remember how/when I fell asleep but I did. I only can remember that it hurt sooo much. According to what my Mum said I was yelling. It really hurt. When I woke up, it was night. It still hurt. I checked it and two pipes were in my back. Those pipes were red so I figured out that it led the blood away from my back. Another pipe was… between my legs. You know… a catheter. It was uncomfortable. I felt it… you know… when I peed… :S And it was horrible. I needed to turn around but it was so hard. I solved it. I guess I had high-temperature. And guess what! My Mum was sleeping on the floor next to me all night long!!! When I was thirsty (I was sooo thirsty) I nudged her and she gave me drink. So the whole night was terrible. The apple drink left til dawn so I had to drink peach drink. I hate it. And I vomitted it after I woke up. My mum left after two o’clock PM. She was very tired. She told me that the operation was almost four hours long. But it ended succesfully. After that I got to know my room mates. Ilona was the old lady who was caughing so horribly first day. She was really nice. She helped me when I was down, she talked to me, she told me her life, her optimism helped me through the hard days. Erzsike, the kneeling lady was also so nice. But coward in the same time. After she was operated, she didn’t want to get up. We tried to explain to her that it will surely hurt but if she couldn’t try, she cannot go home! So she did and she went home. Mónika, the third girl was younger and she was really helpful. She was very healthy, a day after her operation she could already stand and walk perfectly. She was an example for me. It was Saturday, when I first stood up. (til then the catheter and the pipes were got out from my back) I felt dizzy, I’d got nausea, and after ten seconds, I had to lay back. A day after that, I went to the toilet. I was slow, I almost fainted. Soooo… I did it, but after I came out from the toilet, I almost fell. But the nurses helped me. I swelled, felt dizzy, had nausea, so you know, totally chaos. And if it’s about the nurses, I gotta tell you that they are the most incredible women on this Earth. In this universe. Mónika. She was the kindest. She was so cool and funny. ANd then. There was Brigi. She almost everytime came at night. She cheered me up when I was down, tried to convince me that it’ll be over soon. Erika, the leading nurse was strict but also so professional. She was not so kind to the other nurses but to the patients. Zsuzsi was very young and I didn’t like her in the beginning. But then, she prooved that she’s caring, understanding, and also knows what she’s doing. Andi was a very tall, blond nurse and I didn’t like her too She gave me the last infusion in the hospital but she was a little late because she thought that my infusion left but it was only put somewhere else. So instead of 10:00 PM she gave it to me five hours later (3 AM) It was funny, actually, because she had to make an other vain for me because the previous one fucked up. It was very… joyful to sting another vein at 3 o’clock AM while everybody else was sleeping and on that day, midday I was supposed to go home Erzsike. Dear old Erzsike She was the one who followed me out from the hospital last day. I didn’t really know her but I liked her because she really did everything to make it better for me. Magdolna. She was the other nurse with Mónika who was there on the first operation day. She did a really great job. I was very difficult but she solved everything And after the second operation, I had a high-high-high temperature and she was there, covering me with wet and cold sheets. Clau!!! I almost forgot her!!!! Though she is a really great girl! She’s also cool as Mónika, and nice. I thought she was cold and refusing but she was just always so busy. I had almost… (wait, counting..) Ica, Erzsi, Móni Ica, Erzsi Zsuzsanna, Erzsi, Jutka Zsuzsanna, Edit, Jutka Kata, Erzsi (another one), Kati. Bori (gahh), Erzsi, Kati Bori, Erzsi, Ági, Kati (they had to put one more bed into our room because there wasn’t place for Ági) Bori, Erzsi, Ági Bori, Ági Bori, Erzsi, Ági Bori, Erzsi, Brigi. Ok, well, let’s see. Zsuzsanna seemed so young but it was only the make-up. Edit was very old and she didn’t really know what she’s doing. I really regretted her state because… well, it was so painful even to see what that poor lady is goin’ through. Kati was so hyperactive. We talked a lot. She was very… Stubborn but in the same time, nice and helpful too. Bori (my name is Bori also but she’s an other one) was the first one in our room who was operated with her skull. Oh, it was horrible. I know, that I cannot blame her for it but she was sooo… evil. And she always hurt me (with words) She stayed one more day after I left the hospital. The second Erzsi was a difficult patient She always had something wrong, she got twenty calls a day and she told everybody that “Ohh, you won’t believe, what happened!” And after she left, the next minute she came back, telling us that she couldn’t stand on her feet. Well, then she said to the nurses, that she fell, and then she told her friends that she fainted Well, it was funny. And she was very evil with her husband who was a weird but nice man. When Ági arrived, she was the second who was operated with skull. She was so sad when she was sent home because there wasn’t any problem with her, she just felt dizzy. She told me and Erzsi, that she’s afraid because she lives alone, her father is unhealthy and what if something bad happenes to them and no one can help them. It was very regrettable that we couldn’t do anything. I hope, she’s alright. Brigi was an eighteen-year-old girl and I couldn’t believe it. She seemed younger and well… she acted like a 15-year… like me She was really nice. Her father worked there as a doctor, I think. She had… hernia in the spine. Everyone had problem with their skull OR spine. I know I left on… Friday, and Brigi was supposed to leave the hospital on Monday to spend Christmas at home. I hope, she had a great time home. So yeah. Dr. Lencsés Tamás left me alone He had a… gosh, I cannot speak in English. My mother said: He makes himself more clever.” I don’t know how can it be possible because… well, let’s say that he is the most amazing doctor I’ve ever known. He’s like Joshi Bharat He is very calming and so professional that even if I don’t know that he saved my life, I believe him everything. (I checked it: He took part in a training ) So he left me back and trust Dr. Török (Lehel, maybe) to look after me. He did Well, Török (I just call him Török ) is an asshole. I am sorry! I know, he must be busy, and he’s not kind at all. But I liked him. It was funny how he didn’t care what the patients said. Ok, he cared but just as long as he checked the temperature-line (you know, the red line that showed how somebody’s temperature changed), the medicines that the patient is getting and that’s all. He always asked me: “You eat normally? You drink enough? Ha? Why don’t you answer? Am I confusing you?” When he and the returning Dr. Lencsés Tamás checked my back on Monday (dec 8) and Török announced: Ok, we’ll open you again, they scared the crap out of me. My mum arrived from work so she couldn’t come immediately. After she came, she brought me a gift. My grandmother. I was very messed up. You know. For that time, I learned how to walk I felt strong. Ok, not that strong, but strong enough. Til then I could almost eat everything without vomitting. I was playing with Pet Racer on that day and thinking on my luck. Will I have the same luck? Because let’s admit, it was luck that I survived the first operation. Luck and the doctors… I know, this thought is chaotic but it’s the truth. If they don’t have luck, I.. ok, let’s not speak about that. So I asked my mum: So this whole procedure’ll begin from the start? She answered with a yes. I had an other anestesiologist. She was really horrible. She asked me which medicines am I allergic to (of?). I couldn’t answer, I just said that they stopped giving me Lendacin and a year before there was a medicine named Mixtura pectoralys which also fucked me up She was very strict. And she fucked up my vain on my forehand. (or… I don’t know. Hand… There’s no forehand, just forehead? Forhead?) And after that, a very big blue something left on my hand. It hurt so much. I almost killed that woman during the Christmas performance. (I didn’t take part in it, I just watched it) And she lied to me! She said that the thing she gave me won’t make me fall asleep. Well, it did! And I can remember that how I fell asleep. So I’m angry at her! During the operation, I woke up. I can remember that. I felt the pipe in my throat, I remember that I couldn’t breathe alone. I felt pain on my back, and I was soooo cold. You found me was playing in my mind After the operation, I can remember that I was really cold I remember, how that awful woman opened my eye and asked me if I’m ok. I couldn’t answer. Instead of “igen” (it means YES in English) I sad “GÖ” Or something like this I remember how they pushed me back to my room, and how I couldn’t open my eyes, so I rather shut them and fall asleep. I was really cold. I was happy because I can remember the things I did and said (almost everything) It wasn’t so bad after I woke up. My mum was there She told me the details, that they did something to my vertebrae (did I spell right?) so this operation was also longer than they/we expected it. The first operation was 3,5 hours long (they told us 2 hours) and this was 2,5 hours long (they said one hour) Next time I will be in the operating room 1,5 hours long though they won’t even begin it. Soooo… I was ok. I could drink water. ANd on that day, my ex-roommates CAME INTO THE HOSPITAL!!! Only Martina and Laura because Szandi had to study. They brought me a delicious coconut-cookie Although I had temperature, I was glad to see them. The truth is that I haven’t seen them since that day. I ate half of the cookie. It was really tasty. And after that… gahh. The worst night of my life (ok, the second worst. Third? In the first five.) I had a really high temperature. So Magdolna and my Mum were covering me with wet sheets, dunked in some kind of liquid with menta. (is it an English word?) I was listening to music while day did it. Gahh, I was sooo exhausted. I listened to Three Days Grace. My mum told me that she could totally hear the music. Next day, it was better… I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink. It was the same situation before the second operation, but it was worse then. I only could drink water, and I almost always vomitted I ate thousands of carrots and paprika. After a while I could drink Ice Coffee. I can remember the first time I could drink it. EISKOFFEE was the name of it and I drunk it for the first time! I was so glad that it stayed in my stomach that I waited two hours with going to the toilet to make sure it went through me and won’t ever come out. (I restart the system,because my internet connection has just totally fucked up) So… my return after the operation wasn’t so slow as I thought it’d be. I was very happy that I could stand up next day and I didn’t vomit that much. My legs worked (and they’re still working) like magic. I was saved because my grandmother’s friend gave a laptop for me. (not for good. Someday I’ll have to give it back) So I could stay in contact with the world I watched stupid films and TV shows, and I was homesick. My sister visited me in every weekend after she arrived home from Budapest. My mum and my grandparents hardly came in on the same day. They mixed each other so I wasn’t overwhelmed by them that much SIMS2 was a game I played with a lot. I listened to Monrose, Three Days Grace and You Found Me by The Fray. My sister downloaded me a few Supernatural and Pushing Daisies episodes so I could fall in love with Misha Collins and/or Jensen Ackles So I had something else to dream about too. When I left, I was happy and sad. It was strange but so good. It hurt and it hurts now too. But I can remember almost everything. And even if I can’t write it down, I will always recall how it felt. Strange, bad and all these things. Maybe if I just knew that I’ll survive in health I will spend my time with something more enjoyable but I don’t mind it. It had it’s own beauties. This is my story.